Heaven Is Up There

This picture, which I assume is supposed to be Jesus and Nicodemus, is not completely historically correct to my knowledge.

Anyway, did you guys ever think about all the cool people in heaven and hope that you get to meet them when you're there? Or did you ever think about all the people in hell that were cool, but you hope you don't end up having to go meet them? I have.

In Heaven, you will meet:

-Noah, Moses, David, Solomon, the apostles, and just about every Bible character you would ever want to meet, including Jesus.

-Billy Mays. A true American who lived his life in a way that inspired us to be as clean as we could be at the most reasonable prices around. He also had a GREAT beard.

-Fess Parker. Many of you may not know who this iconic American is, but I certainly do. He is one of my heroes, and if you could not tell by the picture, he is most famous for his portrayal of Daniel Boone on the popular TV show. He is also famous for the Davy Crockett movies. He's in heaven I assume.

-Johnny Cash. I don't even have a remote idea where to begin or stop talking about Johnny Cash, my absolute greatest hero. This man; this legend, was not only the greatest musician of all time, he is also the coolest person in history. He is in heaven. I hope to meet him.

-Audrey Hepburn. It only makes sense that she is in heaven because that is where she came from. Not only was she one of the prettiest women of all time, she was also one of the classiest. She was classy all throughout her life, even towards the end working for Unicef. A beautiful woman. Beautiful. Inside and out. Sometimes God is nice and lets us borrow angels for a while, I suppose.

-The Founding Fathers. Most of them anyway. A lot of the cool ones. George Washington is definitely up there. 

In Hell, you will meet:

-Ishmael, Goliath, Baal worshippers, Judas Iscariot, and many, many more! All of your most hated Bible villains will be there just waiting in antagonizing anticipation for you.

-This guy. Vince, the Shamwow! guy. He isn't dead, but he's there, just to make Hell worse. Billy Mays knew what advertisement and quality products were about. If you go to Heaven, look around; I bet it's the cleanest place you've ever been. I'm talkin' like Colorado clean. You can thank Billy Mays. 

-The Aztecs. They were pretty cool for the most part, but they sacrificed people too much. They also didn't believe in Jesus, so there wasn't a whole lot they could do for themselves.

-Adolf Hitler. This guy ain't in heaven.

-Uncle Scar. Ok, this fool killed his brother, tried multiple times to kill his nephew, usurped the throne on Pride Rock, almost caused everyone to starve to death, and was a liar. He was such a jerk. He's burning for it.

-Almost all the cool people from ancient history. The Mongols, the Chinese, the Greeks, Atlantians, Egyptians, Native Americans, Persians, the Norse, and a lot more.

Anyway, there are a lot more people in both places, and one day I'm gonna be in one. I prefer heaven. One day, when I'm in heaven (if there are days there?) I'm gonna shake Ronald Reagan's hand.