Nothing Has Happened in My Life Since April Last Year

Thus, I have not written a blog.

Also, that may be a lie; therefore disproving the fact that everything on the internet is true.

This is the first time I have written a blog in quite some time, and for that, I would like to say "you're welcome." It has been daunting to begin writing more blogs after waiting for such an extended period of time; once the blog is started up again, there is always the extreme pressure to continue to write. Another reason for the super-duper long pause is that I feel expected to write something very beautiful for my reader(s) to read as a grand re-opening of sorts. I now know the folly in that because, having read my previous posts, any one who would expect beauty or even signs of intelligence is a stupid and irrational fart of a person deserving to have his or her eyeballs mutilated and taken from his or her head by dirty corkscrews. (Except for my mother; she is exempt from any punishment deserved for expecting anything worthwhile from me. I think it would be terrible to be a mother of someone whose moderate lack of worth is perceivable even to her. Mom's usually don't believe that about their sons; not even of Bobby.)

I am undergoing a steady recuperation and regainth (I just invented that word, I believe. "If it can be said, it is a word.") of emotion, brain function, and ability to care. I missed blogging; there were days when fun ideas for blogs came into my head, but being the lazy shmo that I am, I did not write them. Maybe I shall do so in the future. I may also get around to changing the background of my blog. Pink icy scenes with trees can get old if you let them.

I now have a lovely smart girlfriend and a beard (not the same thing, for those of you who know what I am talking about) and my brother is married. And Samantha and Don, my sister and brother-in-law moved back to Oklahoma from D. C. "ASLO" (Brooke) I have a Fiero now!!!!!! :D These are just a few of the things happening in my life that I enjoy.

Well, here is a picture of Bill Murray with a mullet and a mustache.

April Is Over, So I Needed to Do One Post for the Month

I have a bunch of homework, so I have sought advice from those who know much on the subject and I happened to remember someone who understands the concept perfectly: Mr Calvin. Yes indeed. A boy much smarter than I and more in-tune with what homework (and life) is really all about. So, I will just share with you some of my favorite Calvin and Hobbes comic strips that somewhat relay what has been going through my head at the moment, and offer the works of someone else (Bill Watterson) who is not only much wiser than I, but also much smarter and who has a greater perspective and understanding of life. He is also much funnier than I am. So enjoy. Also, sorry I never blog. There. and also Here:

 P.S. Looking at Calvin and Hobbes comics make me really sentimental. These were a big part of my childhood. If you've given me nothing else, Dad, which I'm definitely not saying is the case, you gave me these.

Are You Not Entertained!?

Gladiator.

People want a lot out of life, and can you blame them? I of course say "people" as something distant, because I am only assuming that that is how "people" feel.

I think most of us find that what we mostly want in life is friendship and close relationships with other people. This is probably because we are more or less designed to want a close relationship with God, and since we are created in His image and likeness and whatever, we find a semblance of what we need in our relationships with others.

I said we are created in God's image, which is true, but we are not God. We are kinda like God, I think is the idea. (?) We are kinda like God in the way that the moon is like the sun; they both give off light, but the sun is the actual source of the light (cliché, but clichés are clichés for a reason). We are kinda like God in the way that Tommy Gunn is Rocky; both fighters, but who defeated Russia in the Cold War? Not Tommy Gunn. We are like God in the way that cubic zirconia is like diamonds; we are pretty and put on a good show sometimes, but who are we fooling? We are kinda like God in the way that Canada is like America; yeah I went there, and I don't really need to follow that I don't think. We are kinda like God in the way that cats are like dogs; they are both mammals, but cats suck.

You know, (I don't know if you caught the Oscars, but saying "you know" always makes me laugh inside. Thanks Kirk Douglas.) I really like dogs, and I will tell you why. Not only are they super cuddly sometimes and super awesome-looking (some dogs; not the ugly stupid little yappy ones), but they possess all the desirable characteristics that humans possess. You know, good dogs are loyal, they don't care what you look like, and they are loving. Don't you tell me dogs don't love, because at least some of them do. You know, they are better at love than a lot of people, to tell you the truth. You know, I wonder: is love a state of being, or is it an action? Probably more the latter. Anyway, it is late and my brain (what's that?) is fried.

You know, I said that stuff about people wanting relationships and love and stuff, but sometimes people really just like watching people tear other people apart. If you like that stuff, you should have been an ancient Roman. Or you should watch Gladiator. You know, I'm REALLY glad Russell Crowe (Spoiler Alert for Gladiator) killed that [jerk] Joaqiun Phoenix. 

Like a Yo-Yo

I have been in and out of my mind for the last several years.

This night seemed as good as any I have ever had to just sit down and write a blog, even though (this has plagued me since I started), I have no reason to write; or at least no reason that I can think of. I have done nothing worthwhile in my life that has ever merited any attention (as anyone will tell you), yet I seem to feel a sense of wanting to keep going about life in the exact same way that I always have. I imagine that I have some sort of abstract idea or dream of accomplishing something great or being someone great, but I don't really know why. While it's true that I do go to college, I am neither snobbish nor rich, and therefore have no reason to expect greatness of myself.

However (side note) I am thinking more and more that accomplishment is usually decided after the fact, or even after the accomplisher is dead. Not always, I admit, but rarely. There aren't just oodles of movies or books about something that some great somebody has "accomplished" while said 'great somebody' is still living. Sometimes? Sure; but always? Never.

I never DO anything; I just be here. I wish I were Scatman John, or at least had his heart (figuratively, of course). He was a human being, not a human doing, but in the good way. He wasn't a part of your system, man. He knew what he believed, and it was good.

Scatman John, you are the only one I love

But this isn't a blog about The Scatman because, as you know, he was a great somebody, but he has passed away, and nothing is ever written about the deceased.

What I realized today is that what I have halfway been striving for is passive greatness.
--Isn't that keen?

And hence!
I would like to say, ergo I will say: "Don't take any [poop] from anybody!" -Billy Joel.
--I don't believe in editing people, be it editing in literature or otherwise, but what would my parents think if they say a dirty word on my blog? Even were I quoting Billy Joel? He is a great man, maybe the best, but I am a hypocrite.

I am awful at blogging, but perhaps it will help me remember in years far away what went on in my non-significant yet perhaps not unimportant life. Thinking this way is important for the soul, I think. It's sort of a... positive/realistic(?) approach to life. I guess you could say that anyway... If you wanted to. Your choice. I don't care.

I know you all missed me.

Dies ist eine pfiefe.

What Has February 14th Ever Done to Anybody to Deserve This?

What?! I ask you! What?!


Ahem. Aaanyway, today, as many of you are painfully (or pleasantly--depending on your relationship status/intelligence level) aware, is Valentine's Day. "What time is it? Valentimes! What time is it? Valentimes!" Ok, moving right along, I think that Valentine's Day is great!* It is one of the only holidays we have that has not been commercialized or capitalized upon to make profit.† In fact, Valentine's Day is the one day of the year where we can just put our gender-related differences aside and just sit down and love each other.** No pressure; no expectations; no strings attached.††


Another boring romantic; that's me. I love Valentine's Day. And, because I love it so much, I would just like to share with you, dear readers, a music video that is very special to me. As an introduction to the video, I would like to say that you should watch other Brandi Carlile music videos and not judge them all by this one's quality. The other ones have more money spent on them; however, this one is a raw interpretation of what love between man and woman and the uncertainty sometimes contained within truly is. Is it a lesser video, or is it better than the others? I dunno. Anyway, enjoy:

Btw, I just watched this again. I love her so much. (She is the one playing the guitar; not that plain woman in the white dress.)


Oh hey, guess what. I lied! Love Valentine's Day? I HATE it! And so, as a consequence, I started my own holiday several years ago, "Singles' Awareness Day" a.k.a. "S.A.D." Here is another video to show how I really feel about February 14th.

J. Geils Band. Yeh, yeh. I think my favorite part is the weird orangutan (?) in the pajamas. No reason why. It just is. 


Anyway, there are many things I could say about today, or about love, a rather popular topic today, but I will limit myself. I will tell you all how I celebrated my independence today, however, if you think your tender hearts can bear it. My friend Caleb (whom you may remember is for the birds, but that is beside the point) and I went out to McDonald's to eat together by our lonesome pitiful selves. That sounds like a slightly contradictory sentence, but it is not. And, in keeping with today, we were both fully aware of our singleness. 


I would like to finish this blog by letting loose with a very long string of curse/profane words and gestures, but, in keeping with my PG rating, I will finish it by saying "Love, you are a fickle maiden, and I will punch you if you come near me." That is all. I guess.


*Valentine's Day is great if you are a dumb-as-a-rock, stupid, ignorant, ugly, fat dirt-bag. Who has a special someone who loves you. Someone who loves you so much that that they themselves don't understand it, yet spend countless hours trying to make YOU understand how much. Like how much I love Brandi Carlile. We may not have ever even been together, but this is true love; you think this happens every day?

†It has, actually.

**That may be true.

††There are all of those things.

How to Make a Most-Excellent Movie

Ok, his is actually a paper I typed in class for Comp 1 while I was in high school. I guess that would have been over two years ago... Crazy. So anyway, I wanted to write a blog tonight, and that just isn't gonna happen, so let me offer this Comp 1 composition as a Blog 1 cop-out. Also, the title of this blog was the title of the paper. Just so you know. I was largely influenced by Bill and Ted back then. What can I say?

Ready? Ok!

Step 1: Find a hot girl for the lead actress, such as Eva Green, or any bond girl for that matter. They are generally some of the hottest women on earth, and would make a great choice. This is by far the most crucial and necessary step.

Step2: Get John Wayne or Russell Crowe to be the leading actor. They are both awesome and would each make a most excellent choice depending on your type of movie. John Wayne is the best for western movies, whereas Russell Crowe, bless his heart, does not fair so well. The movie 3:10 to Yuma lowered my opinion of both him and Christian Bale. Any other type of action movie, however, would be very well off with Russell Crowe.

Step 3: Do not be frugal! If you want to make a movie that truly kicks hard, don’t be afraid to spend a little money. The more you spend in special effects and awesome props and stunts, the more money your movie will make. This is a crucial step in the Most-Excellent-Movie-Making industry.

Step 4: If you want your movie to be legendary, always don’t let Tom Cruise be in it. He is crazy and a sissy. Real men generally do not respect him. They may enjoy your movie when it comes out, but it will be remembered as no more than a Tom Cruise movie, which would definitely NOT be legendary.

Step 5: If you plan on making a sequel, be sure to hire the same people that were in the original. Another problem with most sequels that you need to be sure you avoid is not to neglect step 3. Many movie makers believe that as long as the first one was great, people will like the second one. That is false. The second one, if done correctly, should add to the legend of the original.

Step 6: Your plot should be fairly consistent with awesomeness. Steps 1 through 4 should be enough to carry your movie even if the plot is weak, but the desired effect that you should be striving for is legendary. Only movies with great plots are legendary. I would suggest that you hire writers that have already written great movies. Again, be sure to follow step 3.

Step 7: The best way to achieve a big audience is also choose a wise time to release the film. Summer is a good time because summer films are good, and it is also a great time to advertise because people like going out and doing fun things, such as watching legendary movies.

Step 8: This is the final step. Advertise. Without adequate advertisement (at least three months before your movie comes out), people will not anticipate your movie, ergo it will not seem like a very big deal. Therefore, it is absolutely imperative that people anticipate your movie.

  -Following these steps exactly will ensure a most excellent movie. (step 8 is for legendary-ness; not most excellent-ness, by the way.)

---Well, there you have it. Can you believe I didn't get an A in the class? Me neither. Also, of the last two blogs, Tom Cruise has been mentioned in two. I'm not sure that's ok... Oh well. Also again, Brandon, sorry I said anything even slightly negative about Christian Bale. But, to be fair, The Dark Knight was not out yet.

And why is "Plot" Step 6? Obviously, I got Step 1 right (assuming of course that I meant from the last few Bond movies), but maybe plot should have been a little higher than 6 on a list of 8 steps about movie-making. I mean, at the very least, it should probably be considered a higher priority than the sequel (Step 5), but what do I know?