Welp, the collective intelligence of my audience just increased perhaps a million-fold (Dr. Ford's fault). I guess this means I can't write any blogs about poop. Or dirt. Or Wales. And I CERTAINLY cannot let Andrew guest blog for me anymore. That would just be embarrassing. Nope; only intellectual topics henceforth. And usage of words like "henceforth." Or cool transitional words such as "therefore," "however," "moreover," "inasmuch as," aaand so forth. So... that was pretty much the fullness of my higher-range vocabulary in practice; however, I just may sneak in the occasional semi-colon as well.
I finished up my finals today, in case you were wondering. Well, aside from the one I have tomorrow that does not even have a test, anyway. So I guess that means I will be halfway through my Sophomore year in just a few days. It does go fast, young people; all those old people aren't lying when they say that. Take note of this, but more importantly, take heart. Take heart in the fact that the faster it goes, the more numb to it you get and the less you will care. By age 19, you will be so old you will probably just be sitting around waiting for death, knowing your best days are behind you. "C'est la vie," I always c'est. (See what I did there?) That's French (blegh) for "Life sucks; oh well," in case you uneducated (very dear) readers did not know.
So, philosophy, huh? That's some heavy stuff. I'm no good at it, but I am good at sexism. You know who's good at both? Philosoraptor, that's who.
Haha, women. Can't live with them... they will not go out with me. (That was for you Brandon, in case you didn't know.)
So, is intellect desirable? Sure.
What is intellect? Being smart.
What is desirable? Money.
Is being smart money? Yes, technically yes.
That made no sense. What am I doing with my life?
- I find semicolons a very useful form of punctuation.
ReplyDelete- I like bulleted lists.
- I am old; I was just telling this to Don the night before last. And as an old person, I can affirm that college does indeed go by fast. However, your best years will not be behind you until after you graduate, and that will only hold true if you marry your true love before then (like I did).
- If I woman says she is wrong, and she is telling the truth, then by virtue of the truth of her statement, she is right. As always.
- You can't know for sure if a woman will go out with you unless you have asked her. You will have had to have asked multiple women for your statement ("they") to be true; therefore, either you are wrong or you never tell me anything. Since I am a woman, you can be sure that I am right.
- That Smoking Monkey looks a lot like my brother.
-Samantha, stop sounding smart; it's unattractive.
ReplyDelete-Plus also, women are always wrong, and they never comprehend anything. I, as a man, understand that you think you do, but I am telling you that you don't. That should be good enough for you.
-I would also like to say that I agree with you on semicolons; they are very good grammatical tools in splitting up AND linking similar yet separate and complete clauses.
-Bulleted lists, Tommy likey not so much.
You need to re-evaluate your opinions (except on semicolons). Try to be more like your brother-in-law.
ReplyDelete-Thank you Tommy, for this fantastical, insightful post. I actually stopped reading 17 other blogs because of their lack of The Guild quotes, so I am very glad that you included one, permitting me to continue reading your blog, it was a close call! Just kidding I read your blog more frequently than I read Superman comics...actually its close to a tie...
ReplyDelete-No offense Dr. Ford, but I really want a class to be taught by Philosiraptor....Dr. Ford just isn't sexist enough....
-I also really dislike bulleted lists now...but am enjoying the thing with three periods in a row...Tommy your blog needs more of these...
-an elipse? i oft want to use these, but i'm afraid it would get old using the same literary technique of trailing off. kind of like when you have a small idea and don't want to go to in-depth, but it still has to be said.
ReplyDelete-i also appreciate that you still read my blog. believe it or not, i was going to say that to you before you said what you just said about your continuation of reading it for The Guild quotes. as soon as i saw you had commented, i was going to tell you that because you are one of few who still signify that they are reading them by posting comments.
-you know, i think i really think Dr. James Tiberius could be sexist if he tried and hung out with us more. I like that guy...
-^that was an example of a small idea that had to be said which i didn't really want to follow up on too much, so i trailed off. like so...
p.s. i meant "too in-depth"
ReplyDelete